windows of my mind

I caught myself examining a picture of us. I dropped it on the floor. I was horrified with myself thinking of us. It did not passed much until the time that we were done. But I just did not catch myself thinking of you, a long time ago. I saw everything passing through the windows of my mind. Being something good or bad, it did not matter. What existed between us was contemplated in my mind, with no disagreement.

We cannot forget what we passed though, we cannot deny it, we cannot erase it. We could pass through much more, but not now. All the feelings which were so confused inside our hearts may never exist in such a strong way again, never again. Your smile, your laugh still exists and insists to stay inside of me. Your silly way of being and acting, our funny conversations, our stupid fights. Your tears scaping from your eyes, shed on my shoulder, penetrating into my skin.

It was YOU and I, ME and YOU. It was suppose to persist into everyone's mind, this concept, the idea of us. It persisted for long. And in the future this 'long' will mean 'long ago'. I do not blame anyone for think like that.

I had an idea of us. When I thought of what we had, I used to go always further than any idea or possibility that what anyone could possibly think, imagine. I saw what we really were. What each of us thought about eachother, and I saw the way we were for real. I saw the way our love was, the way our love persisted through it all. Through all. I knew that our feelings were very young, scared, even immature, discovering new worlds, new possibilities to love. But I knew it would last. I just didn't know it would not be forever.

I know it is over, I know it will not come back.  I don't want it to come back, for sure. It was great while it lasted, but now, there is no why to keep it. I understand it and I did not hat to keep suffering until I learn it. I just learned it by the easier way, accepting. Accepting, recognizing that we just were not meant to be anymore. That once upon a time we were, but this time has gone for now, our happy ending passed through our fairytale. Actually, I've seen it already, before, but I cheated my eyes and pretend I did not see it. I cheated myself like I knew I would.

Now my eyes are not blinded by the lie that I was living, now I catch the truth and I will not let it go away. I won't blow it away. Anymore.

I saw everything. Everything passing through the windows of my mind.