dolls, soldiers, teddybears

Everybody's scared sometimes, that's a fate, not an option. Everytime I close my eyes to think, I see my fear. I feel it. I'm scared about having it. I hate to have it. Some say that if you never fear is because you don't have feelings, because your life is over or because you're a coward. If it's true? Well, I don't know. Every case is a different case, mine is not a nice one. What I'm trying to say right now is that I respect people who have the dignity and the respectability to admit it. I really wish to do it more often, but sometimes I can't. I just can't. Just for looking into your eyes I feel I can't. Why your damn eyes? Why you? I just think that I'll be not just confused, but vulnerable, and I hate being vulnerable. That's something I avoid the most I can. I've never been the kind of girl who needs to hide herself behind someone's shadow. I always left my light and my bright free to shine whenever it needed to. I realized something during these past few months: you obfuscated my brightness. And I'm full of it. Actually I was fool for letting it happen. But I assure you that it won't happen again. I won't let it happen again, never again. My thoughs are confused and overloaded right now. Too much left to say, too much about to say, too much to think. I won't apologyze for being who I am. I won't apologize for my acts. I won't apologyze for being brave and for stand up to you. Oh, I won't. I'm full of being just a doll, just a teddybear for you to play your silly games with. I think that worse than feeling that, is to have your childhood broken. I didn't, but I imagine how it's like. I thought it was so different, but it's not. If you think a little, it's almost the same: you're a doll or a soldier. It's taken from you. You have nowhere to go, no time to think, no heart to beat, no eyes to look in. It's the end of a life, for sure. It'd be the end of my life, at least.